The start of motherhood

Sorry, this post is 3 months late. I told me myself repeatedly that I will blog it but never really gotten down to do so till today. So here...

People who know me, knows that I'm pretty much a scaredy cat. I'll faint at the sight of blood and needles, and scream at the top of the voice at those roaches (and I still do). But I must say that I'm very proud of myself for going through and surviving. To me, motherhood really starts during labour.

LABOUR

When the dreadful part came, I totally freaked out. My dearest gynae did a good job by giving me a 3-day advance notice of the impending labour. He wanted to induce me for fear that my placenta (which bled in the first trimester) was fast maturing. Oh yes, did I mentioned that I went through labour without epidural? Ah yes, I was more afraid of that needle that the labour pain itself. Well, it wasn't that bad, I survived! :D

OMG, I looked so bad but this is probably the only picture that we took before my labour pain starts. And thereafter, all the pictures we took were of baby Keira (but of course).
Aaron was so overwhelmed by everything that was going on that he was just quietly holding my hand, trying to figure out his role until the midwives told him to encourage me. He probably was a little shocked by the whole labour process that he could only whispered "加油".

His voice got louder and louder when he suddenly saw baby's head crowning (honestly, I think I will faint if we had our roles switched). I salute you for witnessing everything.

The first thing Aaron told me was "Keira got DOUBLE EYELIDS!" WAHAHAHAHA, this is probably the only thing he is concerned about. Soooooo funny!

Okay, I skipped the murderous part. Mothers are the best for those who know. 你是最伟大的！
Keira was the most beautiful thing that I ever saw in my life. That pretty little stranger felt so foreign yet so familiar. It was such an amazing feeling that no words can describe it.

Finally, the family was united! I love our very first family pic even if I looked bad! I just went through 6 hours of labour and an emergency removal of placenta hello! How good do you want me to look? Luckily, it was only 6 hours, I really can't imagine those who endured 12 hours of labour pain!

Then, Keira became the focal point. Everyone took a picture with her.

 Keira and Daddy

Keira and Grandpa

 Keira and Grandma

Keira and Grandma

Last but not least... 

Mommy and her precious baby

A big thank you to those who visited, although pictures weren't up but I appreciated your visit and gifts! Love you all. 

And the most important person - Thanks hubby for being there to hold me throughout and witness her birth. You kept your promise and stayed with me all the way, I think I wouldn't survive in there if you weren't there! I love u!

Alot of people asked me if I would consider a second one, my immediate answer was NO! Labour was a nightmare to me and I told myself I wouldn't want to go through it again. But after 3 months, you kinda forgotten how bad it was.... so, well, maybe. Maybe i would consider giving Keira a baby brother :)

Mixed Feelings

With each passing day, the end of my maternity leave is in sight. I'm beginning to have many mixed feelings these days. At times, I try to acknowledge and at times, i try to escape. But I guess it comes to a point where you know there are things you need to address.

I am dreading the day to return to work. Even when I'm just out for a few hours, I have already missed her badly. How I wish I could be home everyday and watch her grow. Not that I aspire to be a housewife (like of course NOT) but perhaps I could be doing other things more productive like what we initially planned. Things weren't going our way, not yet at least.

Back to the corporate world is yet another dilemma. Fighting for what I deserved is so tiring, especially when politics are in play. Any passive income now is not sufficient to keep ME alive let alone provide for a family.

We know that 2011 will be a better year for us since everything is falling in place but when in 2011? The end of 2011? That's as good as next year. Sometimes I wonder, have I not been doing enough? What have I done wrong? It just don't seem to work, is it me or what.

Maybe it's just PMS that made me rattle on and on. O well...

Breastfeeding Woes

I knew I need to breastfeed Keira ever since I made the decision to keep her. I have been hearing from many that breastfeeding is not easy. Indeed, it's a painful experience. From soreness to cracked and bleeding nipples, no wonder many women gave up breastfeeding. I was lucky I managed to get over the initial period. Now it is extremely satisfying. Despite many questions and doubts from the older folks who do not understand the importance of breastfeeding, I continued to breastfeed till now.

The thought of weaning Keira makes me sad and guilty. I knew I had to wean her off before I start work. I must agree that breastfeeding could be, at times, a chore. You have to watch what you eat, what time you will be out till, if there's nursing room at whatever I go and if she has enough to last her till I'm home. Often, my outings are cut short due to this.

I salute those who managed to perserve all this and breastfeed their baby exclusively for the first 6 months, which is the recommendation from WHO. Sadly, I don't think I am able to do it because I'll be back at work soon and I won't be able to express enough breastmilk to last her each day when I put her with the MIL.

The weaning process is not an easy one either, especially when you have to be extra careful with you rock hard bosom. I find comfort when Keira still prefers to feed directly from my breast and the satisfaction on her face when she's fed. Really, breastfeeding could foster bonding between mother and child. Now I understand when sis said that it is a touching moment when Orlando latched on.

I'm having mixed feelings now because for the comfort and easiness myself, I have chosen to stop breastfeeding but I'm already missing feeling her warm breath on me. Ultimately, I just want to be happy and healthy, safe and sound.