Do you hate daddy?

Ten years. 

It has already been ten years since I last saw you. Today, it was somewhat awkward seeing you again ten years later. Married, carrying your granddaughter and with your new son-in-law. 

We sat together in a round table, just like a family, but the feeling was distant yet familiar. I can't remember when was the last time we had any meals like this. 

You, I, mom and Aaron sat there - hardly a conversation, more like a Q&A session. 

"Do you hate daddy?", you asked. 

I don't know, now. 

Daddy, I want to hate you. And honestly, I really did. Yet today, when I met you again ten years later. All my hatred seems to disappear. Only sadness engulfed me. 

You aged. You thinned. And when I saw you carrying Keira today, it surprised me that she allowed it and was curiously caressing your face. This was so surreal. 

Daddy, I don't want to say this in front of mummy but I really miss you. If, you didn't leave us then, perhaps things may be different. I still vaguely remember how you used to love me and dote me like I was the sweetest thing on earth. 

You are not the best daddy in the world, in fact you couldn't be fit to be called one. But, I still secretly wished to be just a daddy's girl. Like before. 

Many years past, and I have stopped myself from thinking that I could have a normal family but today, before meeting you. I had wild thoughts of you coming back home to be my daddy. 

I used to want to ask why you choose to leave, but now it really doesn't matter anymore. When I saw you left from the corner of my eye, I felt like crying. Just like the little girl many years back when I awoke, crying from my dreams, wanting daddy to stay. 

You spoke about death and how your children does not need to worry about your funeral because you have converted. I felt so sad. 

You spoke about my customary wedding and said that you would send a gift but wouldn't attend it as promised. What if, I actually do want you to be there? 

Today, you just brought back the feelings and emotions that I have successfully suppressed. Today, you made me cry and want you back, daddy.