Mixed Feelings

With each passing day, the end of my maternity leave is in sight. I'm beginning to have many mixed feelings these days. At times, I try to acknowledge and at times, i try to escape. But I guess it comes to a point where you know there are things you need to address.

I am dreading the day to return to work. Even when I'm just out for a few hours, I have already missed her badly. How I wish I could be home everyday and watch her grow. Not that I aspire to be a housewife (like of course NOT) but perhaps I could be doing other things more productive like what we initially planned. Things weren't going our way, not yet at least.

Back to the corporate world is yet another dilemma. Fighting for what I deserved is so tiring, especially when politics are in play. Any passive income now is not sufficient to keep ME alive let alone provide for a family.

We know that 2011 will be a better year for us since everything is falling in place but when in 2011? The end of 2011? That's as good as next year. Sometimes I wonder, have I not been doing enough? What have I done wrong? It just don't seem to work, is it me or what.

Maybe it's just PMS that made me rattle on and on. O well...